When parents scream: causes, consequences and solutions for more calm

When parents scream: causes, consequences and solutions for more calm

There is a lot to think about when it comes to parenting and upbringing. One aspect that is often overlooked is the emotional state of the parents themselves. The self-assertion and resilience trainer Kerstin Fehst from Schwäbisch Gmünd has interesting insights and advice on why parents sometimes become loud and how this affects the children. She emphasizes that parents' screaming is often a stress reaction triggered by factors such as time pressure, excessive demands or simply exhaustion. This can be particularly stressful for children, who perceive yelling as a threat, which in turn interferes with learning and collaboration.

According to Fehst, your own childhood experiences are often crucial. If parents were frequently yelled at when they were young, this can set up a familiar pattern of stressful moments. A slip-up does not necessarily have negative consequences, but the recurring patterns are crucial. In the long term, children who are often in such stressful situations can develop increased self-criticism and adaptive behavior. It is therefore important to find calm after a moment of screaming and to take responsibility in order to establish safety.

Stress management strategies

As Fehst explains, long-term strategies help to manage stress in everyday life. This includes getting enough sleep, taking regular breaks and distributing tasks. It is also particularly important that parents seek help if things escalate. Children generally remember feelings more than words, which is why calm, level-headed reactions are particularly important, even in stressful moments. Fehst recommends techniques such as the “acute stop,” in which you place your hand on your heart and breathe calmly three times in order to react more clearly in such moments. In addition, auxiliary sentences should be rehearsed to promote stress-free communication.

Another central point in the discussion is the resilience of the children themselves. Resilience describes the psychological resistance that enables children to better master challenges. Resilient children develop self-confidence, can cope with stress better and are less susceptible to psychological stress. Important foundations of resilience are emotional intelligence, self-efficacy, a positive self-image, social skills and problem-solving skills.

Tips for promoting resilience

Promoting resilience in children is crucial. There are heterogeneous tips for this, such as using a “feeling light” to recognize and regulate emotions. Children should be encouraged in their self-esteem and made to feel loved and respected. Social skills can be taken into account through targeted interactions and the promotion of empathy. Additionally, space should be created for independent thinking and problem-solving skills by asking questions rather than immediately giving solutions.

To shed more light on these topics, initiatives like Smolfi invite people to learn stress management skills through modules on parenting and resilience. These programs aim to promote emotional intelligence and strengthen communication skills to improve children's self-confidence and mental health.

For parents interested in learning more about this comprehensive approach to building resilience in their children, the Hello Parents website offers practical resources, including free PDFs of resilience-building exercises.

At a time when stress reduction and emotional support are so important, it's worth taking a look at these support options. Ultimately, not only the children but also the parents benefit from a more harmonious coexistence.