Children of separation suffer: How help strengthens little Paul

Children of separation suffer: How help strengthens little Paul

What's going on in Cologne? A little boy named Paul faces the challenges of a separation every day. Eight-year-old Paul lives mainly with his father, but plans to spend the weekend with his mother every 14 days. The situation is anything but easy for him because there is hardly any communication between his parents. Paul's father often comments negatively on his mother's punctuality, which only increases the emotional pressure on the boy.

The separation of his parents is a massive burden for Paul. He recently attended a group for children whose parents are also separated. This was offered by Caritas in the Warendorf district. There Paul can express his wishes and needs while at the same time seeking interaction with other children who are in a similar situation. Social educator Frauke Papenbrock, who leads the group, emphasizes how important this exchange is for the children. Bastian Ahrens, a family therapist, adds that children often live between two worlds and have to rearrange their lives.

Shared responsibility despite separation

Paul's parents are still without a new partnership, but a reconciliation seems unlikely. The difficulties of co-parenting are enormous. Bernd Konzcalla-Möller, social educator and mediator, and Rahel Krückels, head of the educational advice center, are important contacts. They emphasize the need to clarify the parental role and shared responsibility for the boy. In particular, advice on transition planning for Paul is the focus of their discussions. According to Caritas, the child's emotional stability is crucial.

Caritas also offers parent training called “Kinder im Blick” (KIB), which specifically deals with co-parenting after a separation. Such offers are essential because the dissolution of the family unit leads to serious cuts for everyone involved. Legal, material and psychological problems are inevitable, and parents need support to be able to overcome the challenges.

Children's wishes and needs count

A current study by the Federal Ministry for Family Affairs entitled “Child welfare and contact rights” shows how important the bond with both parents is for the well-being of children. The research approach is child-centered and takes into account the perspectives of affected children and their parents. One of the key findings is that conflict-free interaction between parents is crucial for the well-being of the child. Decisions made against children's wishes can have a negative impact on their health and quality of life. Taking the children's wishes and needs into account when making contact and care arrangements leads to greater satisfaction.

For Paul and many children in similar situations, it is very important that their voices are heard. Caritas is also planning a new group for children that will start in September and there are still places available. Such initiatives are essential to support children in separation and divorce situations and to give them the opportunity to talk about their life situation and exchange experiences without these being therapy groups.

Further information about these offers can be found on the Warendorf educational advice website, where support is provided for parents and children during these emotional times. The well-being of the children should always be the focus because they have the right to both parents, even if they live separately.

Discover more about what Caritas offers here and the latest findings on strengthening children in separated families here.